My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
