onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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