Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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