explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
