so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
