Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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