I got chris browned last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
