Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will pee on everything he values.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
