Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
