Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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