suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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