Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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