This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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