if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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