Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
