He kissed a someone with a penis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
