So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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