so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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