I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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