when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
