I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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