omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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