my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
