Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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