i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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