I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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