i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
