Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I did not marry a roomba.
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