chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
