I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
