We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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