not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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