She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
