giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
