I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
