I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
