1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
