I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
