Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
