i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
