I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
