Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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