Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
