lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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