Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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