found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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