oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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