Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
