she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
