I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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