so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
