We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
