Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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