I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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