I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
