One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
