Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
