Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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