you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
