I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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