wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
