i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
