Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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