"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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