Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
