what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
