I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
