Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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