I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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