I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
