She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
