one two three fourrrrnication!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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