At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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