Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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