He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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