Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
