he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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